(Warning: Words. Lots of senseless ones.)
(My excuse: It’s been a long day)
May has arrived! It feels like a speeding train that I was unceremoniously tossed into, and then left in an awkward daze. That sums up the state of my mind for the past three weeks
Change is inescapable, change is adverse, change is suddenly having the need to stock up on the energy bar supply in my drawer at work for those (frequently occurring) days when time for lunch disappears faster than the last piece of cake at the table. This new life of mine will only last six months, but six months is also a long enough time for me to do more than just fidget in my place. There seems to be an infinity of new people and new work and new lunch cravings (I never even knew I liked veggie steamed buns).
Then again I’m a student intern, I’m 18, what do I know about life? (not very much)
Today I had my last Japanese lesson. Technically, it’s not my last—I’m still moving on to the next level—but I won’t have the same teacher or the same classmates again. It’s one thing to miss them, and also another to lose one of the few things that were constantly around every week among all the changes that I’ve had. During the week I’m in an unfamiliar place meeting unfamiliar people; going to class every Saturday and seeing the same people felt oddly like home.
As it is, good things come to an end—all the cliches say soAnd I think the inevitable end of something is necessary to appreciate the goodness of what it gave even more. For 10 months I went to class every Saturday and sat in the same place and went through the same motions, and that wave of familiarity that I relied on so much has receded into nostalgia. (There is no more purpose to Saturdays! None!)
But everything is new at some point and old at another. This class of mine has ended its run; I couldn’t have thought about this moment when I began almost a year ago. And so—maybe that’s how it’ll be for these 6 months of work? It’s nice to think that when it’s all over I’ll be leaving with feelings of attachment for the job I had. With that end point in mind, the burden of change and unfamiliarity doesn’t feel so heavy after all.
…I’m sorry I rambled
If the word avalanche is too much, just look at the pictures of cake. Even though it’s essentially irrelevant to everything I said, it’s a work of art and therefore has a rightful place in this post. This is a birthday cake, by the wayBut it’s not mine; my birthday’s next month.
On a Monday.
When I’m at work.
Positiveness plays hard to get with me sometimes.